I looked out my patio window at the most beautiful gliding snow, so soft and yet continuous. There is beauty in pieces of that which I hate. This enemy of mine has brought about a beloved retreat. We were to head to Kansas for time with others like us but the roads were icy and preventative. It would have had it's retreatness of it's own but instead I was gifted with three unplanned days of a weekend.
I put on the down comforter and remembered it's fluffy warmth as I slept in and read. The joy of having to stay indoors lead to a productive streak of cleaning and other work. Friends made their way here as we planned of times ahead and then had a little guy vs girls game action.
We ventured out on snowy roads to check out another church which ended up having the longest sermon ever. It was interesting how emphasis on certain words and a pattern of big or extra tacked on words kept leading my mind into a state of hearing nothing. I had to shake my brain trying to engage and recover lost words. I am realizing more and more my hunger for truth in it's application. I use to be a knowledge hoarder and in some way maybe it trickled down into my actions subconsciously. As cliche as the phrase has become I truly do ache for "What does that look like?" Why do we spend so much time spinning these definitions and theology and walk out living as we have?
I guess when I engage in these conversations of Jesus vision for life I get so excited, hoping these new thoughts will be a tipping point of sorts. Then I feel surrounded by other followers who walk in a drudging state, nothing new or encouraging, no new vision of what God is doing, no passion or need for laboring prayer, feelings of God being so far... I am not putting down those around me so I try not to go on the defensive. I just feel a lack of something and am trying to figure out if we need to be awakened or if that is the dissapointment of living in this broken, mudddled place.
Let's drink clear water and eat sustaining bread. My mind isn't enough. I want to feel the kingdom's realness.